it's out of control.

It would always be nice if I could make everything under my control. But, it's impossible to get control of everything in reality. I can't control the way he thinks...at least. I don't understand what's so important whether I go out with him. He clearly knows that he's not my type. Why should he be mad at me once I refuse to go out with him? I do deserve some rights to control what I'm gonna do and what I'm not, right? It's such a depression to face someone who acts this way. ARGH. I do treat him as one of my best friends and I tend to help him with his difficulties. He just doesn't appreciate what the hell I do for him. What he cares is just whom I've been hanging out with and... ...who's Mr.J mentioned on my xanga. HEY! You said that we are FRIENDS. We are just friends. Why are you trying so hard to get control of my life? I feel so tired to be around you. OMG!!

天要光了

近日過著頭痛欲裂的日子 ,心情一沉不起 , 又倒抽一口涼氣... ...唉! 有很多人迫我去看醫生 ,有一人指責我動輒就要看醫生是浪費家中的流動資金的舉動。好!我明白。剛才拆了剛好十封儲了多年的利是, 得到千多元的流動資金。我每拆一封就想哭一次 ,那些利是得來和儲來都很有意思... ...是我作為一個人所僅有的意志力和堅持的點點證明。如此一拆 ,我的日子彷彿就是枉過的了。那些是我自中四以來儲著不肯拆的十封開學/考試利是。回想中四五時的我是一個揮霍無度的女孩 ,我試過放學即興的便買下一隻$400的膠手鐲。需知道我的家境完全不富裕, 當年僅算是小康之家(現在已經不算了。)... ...那時我一天只得$20飯錢 ,卻天天花大概$50-60 吃午餐和afternoon tea。小時侯儲下的幾千元和平日的零用錢都給我這樣花得光光。但那時每每我錢包剩下幾元的時候 ,我都能咬緊牙關 ,決不拆那幾封利是... ...捱過了上十個月尾。上到中六後我已洗心革面 ,花的錢都只是每日的$20飯錢 ,間中的零用錢都花在書本或文具上 , 所以往後的利是都一直袋著到剛剛。沒想到那些利是要為看醫生而拆。
有人一直反對我找暑期工 ,說高考後我應多休息。現在要花錢要看醫生卻又多多留難。我沒有收入那有什麼辦法呀?唉 ,算我不幸。遲多一兩天還得掩人耳目偷偷摸摸的去看醫生, 否則人家又以為我的錢是剛剛敲詐父母所得。
唉 ,我是私生女?

我要錢!

自高考放榜以來一直都睡得不穩 , 唉... ...要多花一年的光陰才再有機會入大學呢 ! 這可真是一個難過的心理關口! 唉!
高考的都只是小事 , 重要的是近日身體出現好一些問題。 頭痛了十多天喇 ! 朋友都紛紛叫我去看醫生呀照腦呀... ...唉 !重點是我沒有錢。 近期家中政局動盪呀 , 還出現了財政問題。 我要怎樣問媽媽拿錢去看醫生 !! 真是愈窮愈見鬼 ! 惟有去找temp. job啦!