Rachel:
What have I done
I wish I could run away from this ship going under
Just trying to help
Hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is, on my shoulders
What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right
To get it right
Can I start again
With my faith shaken,
Rachel with Santana:Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay
And face my mistakes
Rachel with Santana:But if I get stronger and wiser, I'll get through this
Rachel with Santana:
What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right
Rachel:
So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth
That sometimes life isn't fair
Rachel with Santana:
I'll send out a wish and I'll send out a prayer
And finally someone will see
How much I care
Rachel and New Directions:
What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take
Rachel: To get it right
To get it right
2012年1月23日
sinking thoughts
my dad has always said that we'd totally be rich one day. i was a firm believer of that until i reached the age of 16 (i think). i just couldnt see how that would be possible anymore. money never meant that much to me anyway. as a child i never even fancied a barbie doll or whatsoever. i was pretty much living in my own paranoid-OCD-imaginative bubble - the material world didnt bother me.
i have always been searching for a sense of novelty though. simply the thought of going to another country for a short visit would excite me. to me it has always been the experience of leaving where i have been my entire life that fascinates me ,not so much about having good food or buying things. however, being born in a humble family, i wasnt able to leave this tiny city until 21. for me, a more affordable way to pursue a sense of novelty is through buying new pens. nothing fancy really, just new stationery would do. basically the idea is that a new pen is very likely to lead to new thoughts. it is indeed quite a sophisticated idea when i think about it now. haha it could have been merely an excuse though. i dont know what i was thinking... or what i am thinking still.
for some unknown reason, i have always wanted to go to one of those prestigious schools despite the fact that i never consider myself a bright kid at school. (i was in fact one of those 'bright' kids (teachers would call) but my existence was mostly neglected due to my being a total introvert). to me, the idea was that the historical buildings and pretty school uniform would make me smarter. (i STILL believe in the building thing haha).
i went to good schools, but not the 'prestigious' ones. i got to receive descent education and to hang out with humble and diligent students. that is the story until i got into university. however, this 'prestigious' university that im going to provides me with the opportunity to 'hang out' with the kind of students i never got to hang out with - those who were born really well-off. it never occurred to me that i am in fact quite broke. i'd not say i suffer from poverty. i do get enough clothes and all that. it's just... i dont even have my own desk at home... that kind.
im rambling on and on...
what i am trying to say is that...
i have lost faith in myself.
i dont get how i can achieve what the rich kids can achieve.
i just dont get it.
they were born with things that i still cant get no matter how hard i am trying.
i have always been searching for a sense of novelty though. simply the thought of going to another country for a short visit would excite me. to me it has always been the experience of leaving where i have been my entire life that fascinates me ,not so much about having good food or buying things. however, being born in a humble family, i wasnt able to leave this tiny city until 21. for me, a more affordable way to pursue a sense of novelty is through buying new pens. nothing fancy really, just new stationery would do. basically the idea is that a new pen is very likely to lead to new thoughts. it is indeed quite a sophisticated idea when i think about it now. haha it could have been merely an excuse though. i dont know what i was thinking... or what i am thinking still.
for some unknown reason, i have always wanted to go to one of those prestigious schools despite the fact that i never consider myself a bright kid at school. (i was in fact one of those 'bright' kids (teachers would call) but my existence was mostly neglected due to my being a total introvert). to me, the idea was that the historical buildings and pretty school uniform would make me smarter. (i STILL believe in the building thing haha).
i went to good schools, but not the 'prestigious' ones. i got to receive descent education and to hang out with humble and diligent students. that is the story until i got into university. however, this 'prestigious' university that im going to provides me with the opportunity to 'hang out' with the kind of students i never got to hang out with - those who were born really well-off. it never occurred to me that i am in fact quite broke. i'd not say i suffer from poverty. i do get enough clothes and all that. it's just... i dont even have my own desk at home... that kind.
im rambling on and on...
what i am trying to say is that...
i have lost faith in myself.
i dont get how i can achieve what the rich kids can achieve.
i just dont get it.
they were born with things that i still cant get no matter how hard i am trying.
2012年1月16日
when emoness strikes me
what usually puts me under the most depression is my mum ignoring me. do you not know how much it hurts my feelings? why do you need to put me through this? i love you so much and now you think i deserve all this shit?
i will never understand you. you will never understand me. you don't know me.
money. mum's love. i can never get enough of these, if i get any.
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